


Now That's What I Call Tripmas!

by HouseOfTucker_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Hanukkah, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:47:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29341536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseOfTucker_Archivist/pseuds/HouseOfTucker_Archivist
Summary: A Two-CD Treasury of Tripmas Music Traditional and Contemporary From House of Tucker Studios
Kudos: 1





	1. Disc One

1\. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Tripmas  
2\. Go Tell It On the Website  
3\. Here Comes Tucker-Claus  
4\. Water Po-! Water Po-! Po - lo!  
5\. Carol of Our Trip  
6\. O Tuckerite  
7\. Blue Tripmas  
8\. O Little Board of Tuckerites  
9\. Tucker, The Great Engineer  
10\. Have Yerself a Merry Little Tripmas  
11\. O _Thudd_ All Ye Faithful  
12\. Up On the Hullplate  
Bonus Track: _Un Poco Más Tripmás En Español_  
13\. ¡Felíz Tripidád!  
Special Hannukah Single:   
14\. I Have a Little Tucker (The Tucker Song) 

#### It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Tripmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Tripmas  
Ev'rywhere you go;  
Look in your TV Guide — Amen!, a Trip-centered ep again  
With each new show he'll reach a new plateau.

It's beginning to look a lot like Tripmas,   
Lots of him in store  
And the handsomest sight to see is our engineer who'll be  
Coming to the fore 

A little spark with T'Pol or for Hoshi he'll fall   
Is the wish of many women;   
On Tripmas Eve, Archer's stress he'll relieve   
Is the hope of several men;  
And all of us can hardly wait for ENT to start again. 

#### Go Tell It On the Website 

Go tell it on the website  
Over the net and everywhere,  
Go tell it on the website  
That Our Man Tucker ROCKS!  
  
Oh, when I was a Trekker,  
I watched both night and day,  
I asked for a good character  
And ENT showed me the way.  
  
Go tell it on the website  
Over the net and everywhere,  
Go tell it on the website  
That Our Man Tucker ROCKS!

####  Here Comes Tucker-Claus 

Here comes Tucker-Claus, here comes Tucker-Claus,  
Right down Tucker-Claus hall   
Archer and Malcom left cookies for him  
wide-eyed waits T'Pol

Phlox is springin', Hoshi's singin'  
Travis is merry and bright  
Hang your stockings and say your prayers  
'Cause Tucker-Claus comes tonight!

#### Water Po-! Water Po-! Po - lo!

Oh the ion storm is frightful  
But your smile is so delightful  
And since we've no place to go  
Water Po-! Water Po-! Po - lo!

It doesn't show signs of easing  
And this file you brought is pleasing  
The lights are turned way down low  
Water Po-! Water Po-! Po - lo!

When we finally kiss goodnight  
How I'll hate going back to the norm!  
But if you really hold me tight  
All the way home I'll be warm

T'Pol is surely spying  
And dear Trip, we're still goodbye-ing  
But as long as you love me so  
Water Po-! Water Po-! Po - lo!

#### Carol of Our Trip

Hark how our Trip   
Sweet funny Trip   
He seems to say   
Throw cares away 

Tripmas is here   
Bringing good cheer  
Thirty years old  
He sure talks bold

Son of a b****  
He is a stitch  
His Southern twangs  
Pull all our strangs

Look how he walks   
My how he talks   
We're on the brink  
Don't click that link! 

Stripped he'll appear  
While bashers jeer   
Tuckerites cheer  
Tripmas is here

One seems to hear  
Words of good cheer  
From B & B  
They like CT!

Merry, merry, merry, merry Tripmas   
Merry, merry, merry, merry Tripmas   
On, on he sends, on UPN  
His joyful tone to every home   
Damn! Damn!   
Son - of - a - bitch!   
Damn! DAMN! 

#### O Tuckerite

Oh Tuckerite!  
Our star is brightly shining  
It is the night of the Series Premiere!  
Long lay TV in dullness and in whining  
Till he appear'd and the fans saw his worth.

A character of depth   
for slashers heaven sent  
Oh how he acts   
a new and glorious man!  
Pop in the tape  
And hear his subtle accent

Oh night divine  
Oh night when Trip decon-ed  
Oh night divine, Oh night  
Oh night divine

#### Blue Tripmas

I'll have a blue Tripmas without you  
I'll be so blue just thinking about you

In your blue underwear   
None in space can compare  
Won't mean a thing if  
You're not here to swear

I'll have a blue Tripmas, that's certain  
And when my Southern comfort starts flirtin'

I'll be posting all night  
At the House of Tucker site,  
But I'll have a blue, blue Tripmas

#### O Little Board of Tuckerites

O little board of Tuckerites,   
How focused are thy minds!  
In Tucker's deep and dreamless sleep   
You put thoughts of all kinds.

And in thy wisdom praise you   
The ever-smiling Trip;  
Your Commander and he with whom   
You hope to skinny dip.

#### Tucker, The Great Engineer

You know Scotty, the first one,   
Geordi, with that thing on,  
O'Brien, on Deep Space, and  
Torres half-Klingon   
But do you recall  
The most famed engineer of all?

Tucker, the great engineer  
Had a very pleasing nose  
And if you ever saw it  
You would say he's Spongebob's bro 

All of the other cadets  
Used to laugh and call him names  
They never let poor Tucker  
Join in engineering games

Then one foggy Tripmas Eve  
Archer came to say  
Tucker with that nose so fine  
Help me sail my ship this time

When the Xyrillian loved him  
said T'Pol quite jealously,  
Tucker the great engineer  
You'll go down in history.

#### Have Yerself a Merry Little Tripmas

(from the film _He Don't Say Ain't, Do He?_ )

Have yerself a merry little Tripmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
the bashers will be out of sight.

Have yerself a merry little Tripmas,  
Make the Yuletide gay (!)  
From now on,  
no Con will be too far away.

Here we are as in olden days,   
(February of '02).   
Faithful friends gather near to us.   
knowing well what we go through.

Through the years we all will be together  
If the Suits allow  
Watching Connor's star upon the highest bough.  
So have yerself a merry little Tripmas now.

#### O _Thudd_ All Ye Faithful

O _thudd_ all ye faithful  
swooning yet still focused  
O _thudd_ O _thudd_ ye   
On the next link  
O come let us adore him  
O come let us adore him  
O come let us adore him  
Trip, the _THUDD_

#### Up On the Hullplate

Up on the hullplate, shuttles pause  
Out jumps good ol' Tucker-Claus  
Down through the plasma vent with toys  
All for the bridge staff, Tripmas joys  
E-V-A! Who wouldn't play?  
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?  
Up on the hullplate, grip his hip  
Down through the vents with good Saint Trip!

#### Special Hanukkah Single

_I Have A Little Tucker (The Tucker Song)  
_  
I have a little Tucker.  
I bought it on ebay.  
When it's unpacked and ready,  
With Tucker I shall play.  
Oh Tucker Tucker Tucker,  
I bought it on ebay.   
Oh Tucker Tucker Tucker,  
With Tucker I shall play.  
  
It has a lovely body,   
With nose so long and thin,  
And when it gets all tired,  
It drops and then I win.  
Oh Tucker Tucker Tucker,  
With nose so long and thin,  
Oh Tucker Tucker Tucker  
It drops and then I win.


	2. Disc Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Two-CD Treasury of Tripmas Music Traditional and Contemporary From House of Tucker Studios

1.It Came Upon a Network Small  
2\. Tucker Baby  
3\. I'll Log On for Tripmas  
4\. The First Seasön  
5\. We Three Hunks  
6\. The Tripmas Song  
7\. Reed Rage  
8\. The Twelve Days of Tripmas  
9\. Good Captain Archer  
10\. Do You Hear That Engineer?  
11\. I'm Dreaming of a Warm Tripmas  
12\. I Saw Jonny Kissing Tucker-Clau  
s Bonus Track: _A Special All-Star Benefit Song_  
13\. Do They Know It's Tripmas?

#### It Came Upon a Network Small

It came upon a network small, that glorious Trek prequel  
From forces deep in Hollywood who thought it would be swell  
Before Picard, and e'en Jim Kirk, from Earth's more human past  
The greatest step they e'er took was when they Trinneer cast 

#### Tucker Baby

 _Boo doo bee doo..._  
Tucker baby, just slip a new ep under the tree, for me  
Trip-centered would be nice  
Tucker baby, please beam into my quarters tonight  
_Boo doo bee doo..._  
Tucker baby, another pair of underwear too, dark blue  
I'll wear them for you dear  
Tucker baby, so beam into my quarters tonight  
_Boo doo bee doo..._  
Think of all the fun you've missed  
Think of all the fellas that you haven't kissed  
Next year we could be oh so good  
If you'd check off my Tripmas list  
_Boo doo bee doo..._

#### I'll Log On for Tripmas

I'll log on for Tripmas  
You can count on me  
Please have food, cyber or no  
and spoilers for to see

Tripmas Eve will find me  
Where the screen caps shine  
I'll be home for Tripmas  
If only just on line

#### The First Seasön

The first Seasön, an angel so cool  
said, "I bring all Ent fans a man worthy of drool!"  
On couches as we at the first four eps looked  
Our eyes got much wider and soon we were hooked

Broken Bow, Fight or Flight, Strange New World, Pregnant Trip  
Born was the character for whom we'd flip

#### We Three Hunks

We three hunks of Enterprise are  
Baring chests we traverse afar  
Showers, recon, undies, decon  
Following yonder star

#### The Tripmas Song

Eyebrows rising at the slightest thing  
Profile shots of that great nose  
Scenes with Jon, with that subtext-y zing  
Emotions that he often shows

Everybody knows some pecan pie and rocky road  
Help to make the season right  
Tuckerites with their eyes all aglow  
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Tucker's on his way  
He's got lots of scenes  
And lines he has to say  
And every Vulcan's child is gonna try  
To find the willpower they need to defy

And so, we're sharing this life-changing craze  
As fans of Connor's great breakthrough  
Although it's been said  
Many times, many ways  
Merry Tripmas! Merry Tripmas!  
Merry Tripmas to you! 

#### Reed Rage

Just hear those Reed-Alerts jangle-ing  
Bang clang mangle-ing too  
Come on, we'll put on leather  
For a Reed Rage together with you 

Posters' behavior's appalling  
But it's not worth name-calling, Boo hoo  
Con-Dom's a coalition  
And it's mission is "pull for these two":

R: Hurry up Hurry up Hurry up You're slow!  
T: Mal, ya gotta let go!  
R: You were snogging that hot Precious Cargo  
T: Shutyer-yap Shutyer-yap Shutyer-yap dear Reed,  
It's you that I need  
T/R: We're slashing along, Is it wrong?  
Will our outerspace love succeed?

#### The Twelve Days of Tripmas

On the fifth day of Tripmas, my true love sent to me  
Five new warp speeds,  
Four polo games,  
Three catfish,  
Two Pon Farr robes,  
and A pair of blue underwear.

#### Good Captain Archer

Good Captain Archer looked out  
'Round the Captain's table.  
His friend Trip sat on his left,  
Handsome, young and able.  
Blankly stared T'Pol that night,  
Though her brows were rude,  
When a crewman came in sight,  
Bearing chef's new food.

#### Do You Hear That Engineer

Said the Vulcan to Lieutenant Reed,  
Do you see that hunk I see?  
Up on the catwalk, Mister Reed,  
Do you see that hunk I see?  
A stud, a stud, flying Shuttle One  
With a nose is like a ski run  
With a nose that leaves me undone

Said Lieutenant Reed to the Ship's Helmsman,  
Do you hear that engineer?  
Squawking through the com, Mayweather,  
Do you hear that engineer?  
The twang the lilt, echoes 'cross the decks  
With a voice that's rich and complex  
With a voice that leave me a wreck

Said the Helmsman to Captain Archer  
Do you know the Trip I know?  
In your new chair tall, Capn Jon,  
Do you know the Trip I know?  
Our man, our man withers in the heat  
Let us bring Him something to eat  
Let us bring Him something to eat

Said the Captain to the crew everywhere,  
Listen to what Trip says  
Pray for peace, crewmen everywhere!  
Listen to what Trip says  
Our man, our man, cranky without sleep  
He has shown us character that's deep  
And at this rate he'll show us his bleep

#### I'm Dreaming of a Warm Tripmas

I'm dreaming of a warm Tripmas  
Just like the ones he used to know  
Southern cypress listen  
and moonbeams glisten  
A Tucker Tripmas without snow...

#### I Saw Jonny Kissing Tucker-Claus

  
_Words and music by Tommy Connor © 1952! True Fact!  
_  


I saw Jonny kissing Tucker-Claus  
Underneath the impulse manifolds.  
He didn't see me creep  
down the Jeffries tube to peep  
He thought that I was tucked  
up in my quarters fast asleep.  
Then, I saw Jonny tickle Tucker-Claus  
Underneath his suit so very tight;  
Oh, what a laugh it would have been  
If Polly had only seen  
Jonny kissing Tucker-Claus last night!


End file.
